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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A little of this... and a lot of that... and some of the more... what?

So...

Here I sit... again... typing my thoughts out. Again.

Here goes...

Village Video is saying Adios to all... I am deeply saddened and don't know what I'll do with those extra 20+ hours a week. I fear that I may become a text-a-holic. Are there meeting for these?? I hate to text in all actuality, but it is sort of like writing (which I love), but is so time consuming. Then when you are really getting into a GOOD texting session, then the phone rings and you answer it and then are like, "Why aren't I just talking to this person that I am texting?" Then it hits you that behind a text there are no mistakes or slip-ups. You can say something and then delete it without anyone ever knowing. Real time convo has a no-take-backs philosophy. I feel like a third grader saying that... but it's true.

Life seemed to be going way, way downhill. I have been seriously depressed and felt like a worthless piece of aluminum foil that is mangled and wouldn't cover any leftovers and well... let's be honest here... stuck the gun so far down my throat that I choked... but... I don't want to be this way!! A few days ago I began to feel a little happier... I know why... but in all actuality it should make me feel a lot worse. Ahhh... life is so complicated and I just wonder when and how I can figure things out! Something has to change in my life. I can not live like this and I know that I need to get things together. Unhappiness brings on sin and sin brings on unhappiness. It is a continuous cycle, but there is a way out of the circle-- several ways, in fact. One is, of course, death. The other may be worse. The other involves looking at the problems in your life and narrowing them down to one constant and then eliminating that. Tough. Very tough.

Anyway...

I did some research about whether suicide sends one to Hell. Lots of controversy here. I mean really the Bible never says that if you kill yourself, then you are damned, but... it is taught in most denominations. Here is what I read that helped me out (This in NIV-deal with it!):

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer me, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall."- Psalm 13:2-4

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."- John 10:10

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."- James 4:7

And finally...

"Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool- why die before your time?"- Ecclesiastes 7:17

To sum things up... I am getting better... I think. I just need to trust in God. The verse that talks about Jesus giving us life and giving it to the full... well... maybe I need to just wait and be patient. You know? Maybe there is a "full" life that will be coming to me. One of happiness and joy. I just have to trust in him... and if you are struggling with temptations... we all are... then maybe it's the same for you.

What a happy post!

Let's end it with this!

*Come on... you gotta sing it...

Turn your eyes upon Jesus...
Look Full in his wonderful face...
And the things of this earthly will grow slowly dim...
In the light of his glory and grace.


**April Dawn**

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