Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Kinda pissed...

Another day & another, yes another, Paul Poteet tie!

Here's something about me that you may/may not know. I enjoy writing. I write a lot. I love this blog because it gives me the freedom to write about mundane things that may not matter to most. I love to be able to just write for the sake of writing. If you don't like it, then you don't have to read it. If what I write bothers you, then don't read it. You know?!? Well... here I go. I'm going to rant...

Yesterday I received a message out of the blue saying "sorry about ." This message was from my ex-husband. I don't call him a friend. I don't call him anything. I try to not think about that life with him. So... WHY would he think that it is okay to comment on an issue in my life that is obviously reserved for those people who are close to me?!? The only reason that I can think of is to twist the knife a little bit more. I know, I know... I could be wrong. He could just be such a caring individual that he felt the need to reach out and show that he "cares." I call BS on this one. I know him and I know that he doesn't give a crap about me or my life unless it makes his look better. I find it disheartening that he is able to know soooo much about my life. I'm sure it's my fault. I'm sure that I shouldn't write a blog or have a facebook or even talk to people that we both know. I'm sure that it is my fault as most things that ever involved us BOTH were. The hurt that goes along with this whole situation is one that I've tried to long forget. I've tried to cut off those ties. I even gave him MY dog so that he didn't have any reason to "come around." I'm not going to lie. This was hard, but I knew that it had to be done. If I see ANY member of his family or ANY of his friends, then I go the opposite way. I'm done with that part of my life. I'm not saying that I don't like his family or friends, but it is not my place to invade his life. It killed me to not go to the funeral home when his grandma died (I really loved that lady), but I didn't because it wouldn't have been fair to him or his new life. I was ashamed that I didn't pay my respects, but... it was out of respect for him and to not make the day about anything other than her memory. Period. I don't like the uncomfortable "small talk" that goes along with running into someone in his life. And I especially don't like the gossipy, nosy talk that goes on behind my back. I know that this happens... there is NO WAY THAT HE READS THE PUBLIC NOTICES IN THE HERALD TIMES WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN LIVE IN THIS STATE!! I'm not stupid. I know that he is kept well-informed by his family & friends. So glad... but just so you know when someone in my family even mentions his name or something they heard or somewhere that they saw him I say "Stop. I don't give a f-!!" And I mean it!!

Sorry that you all had to sit through that, but I just had to get it off my shoulders.

Oh. BTW "Whoa Nelly" has been my line for about 13 YEARS, cowboy!!


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ramblings of a dumb girl

Another day... another Paul Poteet tie.


My latest "big endeavor" is that I am becoming a cake decorating expert along with my sister Alicia. Oh, you may be thinking that I am exaggerating just a little... you may be right, but we are definitely improving. If the teacher gave out certificates for the ones who started out as the Special Ed students and improved to moderately handicapped, well, then... we'd bag that cert!

Here is my clown cake =) kinda dark, but you can see how awesome it is!!


I have been having some off the wall thoughts AGAIN! Just when I think that things and life is going better, then it's like I get hit in the head with a 2x4. I just don't understand some things. There are days when I just really want to walk (not drive) away and just start over. Not looking back. Not worrying about anyone. Just focusing on me. A little efficiency apartment, a good book, and a nice comfy blankie... I know that it makes me sound a little crazy, but sometimes life just gets so overwhelming that I just want to "get away." Nothing spectacular has happened or anything like that... it's just too busy... too crowded... too un-private. It seems as if there is always some sort of drama. I am so over the drama. So over it.


Often times I feel as if I am looking for him. I know that he's there, but it seems as if either I really suck at praying or the people that I pray for just don't want to change. I haven't felt that "closeness" to him since I left Clay Faith Center. It is just so disheartening how Satan made it possible for a few words to shatter so many lives. A few words. That's it. I would do anything in this world to go back in time and to have that day never happen. I wish that I could erase so many things that have happened since then and just "forget" about them. I loved that place. I loved those people. I loved everything about it. I did. I promise. Each week I felt the spirit. Each week I heard a message that spoke to me. I have heard very few pastors who have been able to keep me interested and "wanting" to go to church on a Sunday morning. I know that I've fallen since I left. I know that I've made bad decisions. I know that in some eyes I would be so horrible if they only knew. Anyway, can't change the past, but I have to look forward to the future. I have to find that niche, that place that I fit. I have to find people who will be so loving and open as they were. I have to find them in order to really find HIM. I don't know if this makes sense or not, but I am so lost spiritually right now that I need that structured guidance. Not only for me, but for my home, my life, & my future.


I need a new job like the news needs to quit dwelling on Michael Jackson. The place is driving me insane. I am constantly tired and stressed.


Hatred is such a strong emotion and I wish that I could quit having it. I find myself dripping with hatred over things and people soooo often. Where is the old nice April?? I remember when I was so tolerable to people/things that others thought I was stupid. Maybe I was... anyway... I need to get back to that old tolerable state.


Here is the truth section:

*I really want to just drink. Yeah, drink until I'm drunk. No, I won't, but I want to.

*I have no patience for people on welfare. I have witnessed too many drug addicts who smoke and don't work and take a little bit of my money each month. I know... it's mean.

*I want to be good at something. Something. Anything. I fail at it all.

*I wish that I had a little dog that I could have as my bestest friend. It would be a little girl and I would put little pink bows in her hair and name her something cute like Glitter or Sparkle.

*Josh & I have named our kids if they are to be boys (if we EVER have any): Nehemiah Malachi & Noah Ryan. Yeah. He picked out the middle names... If it was me, then it would be Nehemiah Matthew or something normal sounding =) lol.

*If we have girls I really love the names Maylen or Mandolin-- my guess is that he doesn't though. Anyway... we'll see.

Well... lots more RAMBLINGS courtesy of me... sorry.


Monday, August 17, 2009


Oh, my. How long has it been?? Well... a little while anyway. I have a few updates, insights, & of course a hint of witty commentary to share.

First, I just want to say that I don't just think that it is coincidental that the new Hurricane is named Bill. Just saying...

Secondly, Hershey's Skor candy bars are the best thing in the world. Again, just saying...

And lastly, my name is April, and I am a facebook addict.


Life update:

I am back at Ivy Tech this fall. Hopefully it's better this time around: Intro to Business & Algebra. Both will assist me in heading to my final goal- deputy coroner!! Anyway... next semester I am going to start taking at least one class a semester in Indy as to get my mortuary science degree. I really, really, really want it. I don't care what anyone thinks about this, because I know that it is what I want to do with my life. So... pfhhhhh!!

We still haven't moved, but are planning to within the next month. CAN'T WAIT!! Right now our garage is full of tons of stuff that we need to sell : glass display cases, wall boards, free standing walls, a fridge, countertop, etc... . If you know of anyone who needs any of this, then please, please have them contact me: 812-325-0040!!

We have closed our skate shop for the time being, but plan on re-opening it in the future. First we need to take care of some of our own things.

We are planning a vacation to either Branson or a Cruise to the Bahamas. I'm thinking we're leading toward the Bahamas- lol. Who knows though =)

Well... I know it's not much of an update, but it's all that I have time for. I have to do a little sleuthing.... Bwahahahaha.