Sunday, February 1, 2009


Sometimes we get a rude awakening, don't we? The past few months have been really hard for me and I have found myself crying more and more. I can't believe the memories that I am allowing myself to conjure up. I can't believe that I ache still with these thoughts. I can't believe that sadness lasts so long. While skimming through some myspace pages this shift, I came across a sentence that was a punch in the stomach. I knew it was about me. I didn't say it, but I knew, you know? As I read it, I realized that my life can't and won't ever be the same. I won't have a life that involves a silent house. The t.v. will always be on. Someone will always be awake. Never again will I "go to bed," lights out, goodnight, zzzz. Nope, that isn't in the cards. Never again will I be the passenger in the car more than the driver. Not going to happen. I can forget about making creamy peas- no one likes them but me. No more corn pudding. What's the point?? In fact, with my schedule, I don't even cook anymore. How can I?

midnight-8 (work)
8:30-2 (sleep)
2-9(shop, work, or school depending on the day)
9:30-11:30- housework/laundry/anything else
then it all begins again

I finally am believing that life will not be as I always knew it. There won't be order or structure. Things will be hectic. Something will always be going on. We will have visitors. There will be lots of phone calls. This is my new life. And by the way... my head never has fit in that spot the same way.


Well... we got around 15 inches or so of snow this week. It was awful. Terrible. I hate snow so much. We shoveled the driveway together and that was actually nice. We were "snowed in" for a few days and watched some movies and stuff. Can you believe that my tree is still up?

We are moving. Not sure where yet. Somewhere in Ellettsville probably. We will be closer to the shop and out of the house. I have been looking at some duplexes off of Union Valley. They are really nice, but we've yet to decide.

Due to the whole moving thing I am going to have to start "going through" my house. 9 years worth of "garb" to wade through. Lord be with me. Give me strength to toss 3/4 of it!!

Josh bought me a 32. Yeah, a gun. It's little. It fits perfectly in my hand. I am so scared of it and he says that he is going to make me shoot it soon. ha. We'll see. He is also trying to get me to start carrying. ha again. Too scary for me.

My new enemy (who is also my old enemy) is Psycho Santa. The tie-dyed terror who roams the halls of the Eagle's Nest picking up kids and drop kicking them across the parking lot. He is a bad man. Very bad man.

I've had a super case of insomnia as of late. I also haven't been able to eat anything. Just not hungry! I do need some sleep though. Soon. I can do without the food though!

Thinking about my future career again... what do I really want to do?!?

Whelp. That's all for now... for now... for now... .