Sunday, November 23, 2008

One more day...

I have been thinking lately how somewhere along this path in life that I have lost myself. Pretty much all of me-- my thoughts, opinions, courage, and self-worth. I used to possess those. Where did they go? Where did I go? I let people's thoughts and words and actions eat away at me and force me into this dark hole. It's truly pitch black in here and after being alone for so long -- it's unbearably lonely. This past week a young lady jumped off of the parking garage a block from my work. She was only 20 years old. Her myspace and facebook pages screamed depression and suicidal thoughts. Why didn't anyone tell her that they loved her-- it'll be okay-- please don't leave us?? Maybe they did and she just didn't hear it or worse- didn't believe it. I used to wonder how or why someone could take their own life. Not anymore. I do believe in Heaven and Hell and God and Satan, so it's not really and option. I can understand; however, how someone who didn't know about God would go ahead with it. I know for a fact that there is such a thing as Hell on this earth, but the scary part is that beyond this the actual Hell could be so much more horrible. I truly hope not -- for their souls. Sometimes this life can be so exhausting and depressing. People who are supposed to love you-- don't really. I know it-- they know it. What's the point? The only person that I can rely on is myself, but I don't even trust me sometimes. I think that I am just venting here, but am I? I don't know. I am not planning on harming myself! I am just saying that I can understand how someone can be so physically, mentally, emotionally depleted that they think that suicide is the only escape. For some it may be. I don't know.