Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What the heck am I up to??

December 10th.

I am so very far behind in the online course. I loathe online classes. They are too difficult to keep up with & I always end up putting them off until the absolute, very last moment! Why? I guess it's because there is no physical human being standing over me each week saying, "yada, yada is due next Thursday." That really helps me out. I will soon be starting the next semester & this one will hopefully be easy. Micro-Computers (ahhhh!) & Interpersonal Relations (cake). To be quite honest here I have not a clue what that computer class entails, but it is a requirement for my degree so I suppose I'll knock it outta the way. Hopefully. The IR class is another online one & I commit to keeping up. Goal setting is my goal!

I sit here at this desk and look at the product of my night layed out before me: mountain dew, Seinfeld Season 4, & the book "New Moon", which for those of you who don't know is the #2 in the Twilight Series. I am listening to VH1 & praying that my 7AM wake-up call that I just registered will be taking effect and the clients will be ambling down to eat their breakfasts and prepare for the day. Then I will prepare for the "night." Which, to most of you, is the day. I now sleep during the day and am currently happy that it is raining penguins & polar bears outside. That's the colder version of cats & dogs.

Nothing too extremely changed in this category. House is still in shambles & still no Christmas decor up. This is so unlike me. I am usually the first to get everything up right after Thanksgiving. I love the twinkling lights & my many snowmen. That is the only ornaments that are on my tree. I used to have some sentimental ornaments that I have disposed of. I gave some away to people who would appreciate them... such as a football marshmallow snowman ornament and some other ones. Yeah, there have been replacements, but not with as much enthusiasm. Christmas has lost a lot of meaning,it seems. Not nearly as special anymore. In fact, I don't think life in general means as much anymore. Funny how those things happen. Things that used to be so important to me aren't anymore. Things that used to scare me, don't anymore. Crazy? Yeah. I am thinking about going and "talking" to someone. I am afraid that 2 1/2 years of depression may be a little much. It seems as if I blame myself for a lot of my past. Which I undoubtedly should. The problem is that I need to eventually forgive myself for the ruin that I've put myself and other in. It seems as if I am self-destructing. Some days I scare myself. I've tried some anti-depressants, but they don't seem to work. So... something's going to have to give in this head of mine. Sometime soon! I do believe that I have carpal tunnel in my right arm. It is numb about 75% of the time and aches the other 25%. I don't think that there is much that they can really do for that, but we'll see.


They are all doing pretty well. Mamaw Hatley starts her chemo next week & is scared. I am scared, too. I don't want her to be sick. She doesn't deserve it. If anyone deserves sickness & suffering- it's me. I have plagued too many!! Please pray for her to not be too awful sick. I can't bear to see her like that. Papaw is still in the nursing home and will be for a little while. He is getting therapy and then hopefully will be well enough to return home. Uncle Jerb had a stroke and is heading to a nursing home possibly indefinitely. He is unable to communicate or to take care of his daily needs. It's really sad. Joking & laughing one moment and incapacitated the next. Don't understand it at all, but who am I? Sisters are doing good. Ashley & Amy are Ken Nunn employees. Alicia, I think, works at Monroe Hospital Family Clinic or something like that this week! Mom & Dad are good-- still Bingo-aholics. BTW I won $50 on my birthday. Not too bad!

Well... I am sure that this sounded like it was written by the Grinch, but I promise it's not too awful bad. I have found some close friends that I haven't talked to in years. Facebook is a Godsend. Natalie, Samantha, Jason, and so many others that I have missed so much. I hope that things get better. No, I know that they will. I have a feeling that February will be a life changing month for me. Not sure why, but certain just the same!

Love ya!